BAUHAUSWIFE

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Archives for January 2014

Guest Post: How to Let Your Family Know You’re Planning a Homebirth

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(Above: Katie and her first baby, Jackson)

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This is part 1 of a 2-part series of guest posts by my friend, Katie Burke.  Katie is one of my dearest friends, and one of the strongest, most brilliant and most beautiful (inside and out) women I know.  Katie is a dignified, centred, no-drama, force to be reckoned with, and I love her to pieces, even though she basically makes me look like a goofy drama-queen and a complete coward…oh the sacrifices one must make to be friends with goddesses.  Actually, I love it when my friends keep me humble. Katie has taught me so much.

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I have had the ridiculously immense privilege of hanging out with Katie during her radical trajectory from a traumatic hospital birth, to, well, a second birth that was nothing like the first.  But I’ll share that in the next instalment.  First, Katie has given me permission to share her brilliant, measured and respectful letter to her family, letting them know that she will be taking a different path from the one they might be expecting.  I love the way this message is so definitive, confident and unapologetic, while at the same time being imbued with so much love and gentleness.  Of course, one legitimate way to let your family know you’re birthing at home is to invite them over after the fact to meet your baby and hear her birth story…but this wonderful letter might give you some ideas if you feel the need to fill your family in beforehand, on your plans to have your birth at home.

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Hello loved ones,

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As we get closer (!!) to the birth of our newest family member, it’s important to me to share my motivation with you for planning a home birth and my secure beliefs around healthy & happy pregnancy, labor and birth.
The following two excerpts are from the book Birthing from Within. They are just so straightforward and representative of my standpoint that I thought this would be a good way to communicate to you why I am confident that this is the most normal and healthy thing to do for myself, my baby, and our family. Please read them. I don’t expect a response, and I don’t need your expressed approval. It is very important to me that common misconceptions are not perpetuated without scrutiny. Reclaiming normal birth is an important human rights issue, feminist issue, and public health issue in the most holistic sense. It is terrifying to think that humans are no longer confident in their ability to give birth, and that with c/section rates edging up on an abhorrent 50%, it may very well be becoming true.
I own my body, and in the absence of medical emergency I am completely capable of birthing my baby without direction or interference from any outside authority. I completely resent and reject the thought that anyone but me should consider themselves to have authority over my own physiological processes, right down to birth and bowel movements. I also consider my health to be my personal responsibility, and take good care of myself in the interest of staying out of doctor’s offices. Home birthing mothers are the most educated of women planning to birth. This is not a judgement, it is just absolutely true. No one takes this into their own hands without careful learning and preparation, and what you do learn along the way is equally  enlightening and sad.
excerpt 1: The Philosophical Assumptions of Home Birth Parents and Attendants
– Because pregnancy and birth are natural physiological events, normal birth does not belong in hospitals.
– The natural course of labour is already perfect, and should be interfered with as little as possible.
– Pain is a part of an essential and healthy feedback mechanism in labour, which women can learn to cope with.
– Medical management of pregnancy and birth should be limited to those which are medically complicated.
– Unnecessary medical interventions complicate normal labor, creating additional risk and the need for more intervention. 

Excerpt 2: from an interview with a husband & wife that is quite representative of my experience and the standard paradigm of labor and birth today.
Q: How did you come to choose home birth?

Pat: I think the motivation to have a home birth came from my first birth, which took place in a hospital and was everything I didn’t want. I began having contractions early in the week but everyone told me it was false labor. The doctor said if I didn’t progress by Friday I would be induced. We weren’t bold enough to challenge him. So we went in and let the doctor induce labor and one thing ed to another. I had an IV. I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed except to go to the bathroom, which drove me crazy. 

The external and internal monitor were strapped around me. Every time the baby’s heartbeat did anything, everyone came rushing in and panicked! The doctor broke my water. Then they gave me an epidural because I wasn’t relaxed enough, and they started the pitocin. When I was completely dilated, the doctor said I could either wait two hours until the epidural wore off and I could push, which would cause stress on the baby, or he could use the vacuum extractor and forceps to pull the baby out.

By that time we had pretty much given up and given over, so we allowed them to do that. He used the vacuum extractor and forceps.

I wasn’t allowed to touch my baby. I didn’t even see our baby for ten minutes. I didn’t know what they were doing – they were testing and weighing and doing all these things. I finally had to ask to see and hold our baby.

I cam away feeling like I had lost all control of the situation and it plagued me for months. I eventually went to the hospital and talked to the nurses. I went over the record minute by minute to try to find out what happened, why it happened, and understand the decisions we made, so that I could reconcile it. 

Tom: We went to the hospital with a game plan and by the time we left it was shredded into about fifty pieces and thrown into the wind. We had lost control of the situation. 

I don’t know if this is the way men think, but I walked away from the hospital thinking, “We have a child in our arms, the child is healthy and that’s the most important thing.” I was willing to accept what had happened [to my wife and baby] in the hospital because… you have babies in the hospital… that’s just the way things are I thought. 
Anyway… I just decided that since I know some of you may still be afraid for me, I want you to know that I am not afraid for myself. I am well aware that women who give birth in the hospital are more likely to have certain complications such as high blood pressure in labor, perineal tear, postpartum hemorrhage and Cesarean section. Not to mention postpartum depression and other unnecessary intrusions on the incredibly sophisticated hormonal dyad of mom and baby. Having witnessed one home birth myself, I know how normal, beautiful and healing this simple choice can be for woman, child, husband, siblings and society. Obviously, if I require medical attention I will get it – just like if I were to trip & fall on the ice while out for a walk.
Love you all. Can’t wait to meet & introduce you to this baby!
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Thank you so much for letting me share this, Katie.  And readers, please stay tuned for Katie’s incredible, hilarious and moving birth story, coming up next!