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(Above: No no, that’s not “how” my kids sleep.  Felix fell asleep on the sofa, cuddling with a book…this is pre-tooth-cleaning, and pre-bedtime. )

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There are so many factors that can influence children’s sleep and sleep patterns.
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And as usual, I strongly believe that one of the number one elements that can make for a good night’s sleep, is having a peaceful, uninterrupted, spontaneous and physiological birth proces.  Peaceful birth sets up a foundation for not just peaceful and easy sleep transitions, but general contentedness, breastfeeding success (success!), and overall health and well-being in every way.  Of course, this is no guarantee, and there are lots of healthy, happy, well-rested mums and babies who have had institutional and even traumatizing births! (No need to email me to let me know that!), as well as mothers who have had spontaneous births, and sleep issues.
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Just to say (again) that birth matters, and gentle births help with everything.
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I am a member of several parenting and birth discussion groups.  Lack of sleep, and postpartum exhaustion is a constant topic on these forums.  And to be honest, I genuinely try to stay out of the fray when it comes to online advice-giving via facebook.  Every question is met with a barrage of massively-wide-ranging answers.  It *is* quite a compelling read, often.  But I can’t help but think that it must involve some confusion for mothers who might not be terribly confident in their parenting strategies (which I suppose is why they are asking for advice online…anyway).
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I saw a post recently from the tired mum of a 6-week old baby.  Apparently, the baby insisted on being rocked and walked every half hour through the entire night!  The mother was beat, frustrated, and at her wits’ end.  Baby wouldn’t take a bottle, she wouldn’t take a pacifier either !
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The suggestions from other well-meaning mothers included:  homeopathy, chiropractic treatments, checking for tongue-tie, probiotics, looking for possible digestive issues, and on and on.
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All of these are fine ideas.  All of these could possibly help.
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However, when it comes to family sleeping arrangements, just as with *every* other conundrum that involves being human, I always like to start with the basics, the obvious stuff.  To me, it makes little sense to be going off seeking various alternative treatments, when the fundamental structure of what is required for *anyone* to sleep or settle through the night, is missing.
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Which is where my “Yo’s Infant Sleep-Training Technique” comes in.  Are you ready?
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Here goes, in a nutshell:
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When it is night-time, turn off the lights, and sleep.  (Next to your baby. I do generally assume that my readers automatically know that I am a strong co-sleeping advocate.  We are mammals.  It is, in my view, unsafe and counter to our–mother’s and baby’s–biological requirements, for our infants to sleep away from us. )
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Ta da!  That’s how to “train” your baby to sleep at night: Turn off the lights, and go to sleep! As in, keep the lights out, do not wander around, do not get up to rock your baby, do not sit up in bed.  And do not expect, for the first six months of your baby’s life, that you won’t be velcroed to that child, skin-to-skin pretty much always.
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Now, this “technique” does involve a few secrets:
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1. Breastfeed Horizontal: One of the most important skills to learn as a new first-time mother, is now to nurse lying down.  It may take a few nights in a row to master, but once you have this down, you CAN train *yourself* to sleep while your baby breastfeeds.  Number one survival skill for any mother!
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2. Buy a headlamp, or small flashlight: Although I’m pretty good at feeling my way around in the dark by now, I still sometimes use the headlamp to quickly and efficiently adjust baby, or change diapers in the middle of the night, with a minimum of fuss and disturbance.
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3. NEVER let your baby sit, lie, sleep or cry in a wet diaper.  Often, this can be the cause of waking up and fussing.  I am not a fan at all of diapers that are supposed to keep your baby dry all night.  I profoundly believe that never letting our children sit in their urine and feces, during the day or night, is important for their health, their dignity, their development, their sense of being cared for, and for mum’s sleep, too.  I instantly fall into the pattern of checking/changing my babies the very moment they vocalize during the night, so they never have to cry: they just tell me with their voice, when they have peed (and my kids have tended not to poop during the night very often—in fact, responding to their elimination needs with alacrity also helps them to develop patterns of elimination that you will become attuned to).
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4. Night-Time is for Sleeping: Do not get up in the night to walk your baby, rock her, jiggle her, sit in a chair, wander around.  Do not chat to your baby in an animated manner during the night.  Night-time is for sleeping, or at least lying-down and resting, only.  And for anyone who might have been wondering, Yes, I was absolutely being tongue-in-cheek in describing my “Sleep-Training Technique”.  I abhor the implications of the  word “training” when it comes to children.  If anyone is being “trained”, it’s parents, and hopefully we are being trained in gentleness and compassion.  But it is absolutely true that we, the parent, are the leader, and that it is our job to gently provide our children with healthy rhythms for sleeping, eating and being in the world. This *does* start from day one.  I couldn’t even imagine leaving my children in a cage, in a separate room, to “cry it out”.  Babies require the comfort of their mother’s bodies, and they require love and nurturing at all times, especially at night.  But it may take a couple of nights in a row of your baby fussing a little bit as you lie in bed, and cuddle her, letting her know that yes, it really is time to sleep now.
This is not called ignoring your baby—rather, it is the opposite.  What I am describing constitutes giving your baby your full-out, sleepy, night-time, lying-down, in-the-dark, no-getting-up, time-for-bed presence.
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5. Energetic calm:  The energy that we send to our children is incredibly important.  Newborns and infants are highly attuned to energy and atmosphere, and in fact, this is their primary mode of communication at such a young age.  Night-time must be approached positively, quietly, serenely.  If your baby is fussing, you remain calm.  I did mention no chatting, but humming, speaking softly, singing, and lulling your baby into a state of calm is wonderful, and can be done.
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There you go!  The basics.  If you’re still having problems *after* all of these very fundamental conditions for happy sleep have been met, then certainly there may be other underlying issues which could be addressed by any number of approaches.  But hopping up out of bed and bopping your baby around in order to try to get her to fall back asleep…will simply set up the expectation and the routine in your baby’s mind, that what happens at night is that mum hops up out of bed every half hour and bops me around!
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Establishing the rhythm of sleeping during the night will also help your baby to regulate her rest times during the day, and she will naturally tend to be awake more during the day, when sleep at night is the norm.
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I have mentioned this before, but I can honestly say that I have hardly every lost a night’s sleep on account of my newborns, infants, babies, or young children.  They all start sleeping through the night (with breastfeeding breaks that I barely notice) soon after birth, and they are fully sleeping through the night without any nursing breaks at a year or so.  Felix is 19 months now, Treva 3, Horus 5, and no one ever wakes up (I do set an alarm at 1am to carry the two youngest to the toilet to pee.  Neither of them wake up for this event, just pee and then transfer back to bed).
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You are the leader.  And at every stage of parenting, I have found that success lies in recognizing what our children need, and gently, lovingly, setting up the conditions for those needs to be met, so that both parent and child win, and are exercising their own agency and free will, in cooperation.