We did venture outside today, but not for too long. The blowing snow was intense and Treva started to cry right away.
Self-improvement, ha ha. Not really at all, actually. Just making space for the elements I need in my life, in order to stay sane. I have been thinking so much about women, lately, and how the fundamental question of our time–maybe every time–is how to negotiate selfhood and identity. It is a weird dance. To live in a place with so much potential, and so much pain. I had the crushing realization a few days ago that I have brought a daughter into a world in which women are still discriminated against and destroyed because of their sex, daily. All wisdom and personal experience seem to point the paradox of finding self and space through surrender to the particularities and beauties of the present moment.
It is a similar paradox that for so many women and mothers, carving a sacred space for one’s own rituals of creation can (and does, I believe), grow our ability to care for our families more calmly, incisively, decisively.
In a way, I have noticed that having space in the early mornings allows me to schedule my meltdowns, in a way. Meltdown as religious and creative practice, rather than as response.
For me and for the kids, making art is fairly necessary. When things get to be too much, simply getting out the paper and crayons shifts the focus to creation [rather than destruction]. It can sometimes be hard for me to muster the energy for full-out messy projects, but we all love to paint with hard watercolour discs, and cleanup is minimal. And often in the evenings after the kids are asleep, Lee and I will draw or make ink paintings at the dining room table.
We have been making lots of gifts for our loved ones.
And I have been dreaming of spring a little bit. Dangerous, I know.
I have noticed that in almost every photo you post of Felix he is looking right at you with the most amazing smile. I think he has a crush on you 🙂
I got so tired of my meltdowns when Wes was small. I started going out for a five mile walk in the mornings just to get some space and it became my ritual. I needed that walk like I needed air to breathe and water to live. Those morning walks saved my sanity and probably hers too. Art is also good for that…
hi, I got here via Laura Farrow’s blog roll. I don’t have kids but I’m an artist and I teach some. It is so very common to have women come to art class in their 50’s or 60’s to reconnect with something they put completely aside while they raised their families. I’m so pleased to hear you’re finding ways to weave it in and keep it important for yourself and for them.
Hi Shannon, thank you so much for your message. Yes. I think it’s probably just hubris, (can she have it all!? We shall see!!) but I am pretty determined to keep my “self” while at the same time being fully present for my kids… What kind of art do you make/ teach? Take good care, Yolande
HI Yolande,
I teach watercolor and drawing now and then. I’m a full-time painter, acrylic and watercolor.
notnowkato.com if you want to take a peek.
Hi Tracey! You’re so right…Felix and I have crushes on each other 🙂 And yes…my own meltdowns are the most tiring of all the meltdowns… Art & Walks=perfection. Love to you!
I hope all this art includes painting! I need to have one of your lovely paintings in my home. I *love* the work you did when you were in the church.