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As I’ve said before, “unassisted birth” is a bit of a misnomer–most women who choose to give birth outside of the medical system, without the presence of a midwife, a nurse, a doctor, doula or  trained professional, still receives ample assistance–often from partners, or friends, or older children.  I like the term “freebirth”, because we women who make this choice often do so out of the need to be free, and the recognition that our babies are ourselves are safer for it.

Sadly, many people still believe that freebirth, unassisted birth, or family birth is an irresponsible choice.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

I did some crowd-sourcing on my Facebook page (which, I have to say, is populated by the most amazing women *ever*–please come and join us if you haven’t already) on the topic of why women choose freebirth.  I’ll also be talking about freebirth on my upcoming podcast episode.

The responses really blew my mind, and as I prepare to give birth to my seventh baby (and my fifth freebirth), many of these stories and anecdotes brought me to tears.

The strength of the other women in my circle (real and virtual) gives me courage.

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“I planned a freebirth. At first it was because there were no midwives I loved available. And then it was because there were no birth workers or doulas available. But then, in the end, it became about more than who was able to help me – it became about giving myself what I truly deserved, and that was a hassle free pregnancy and birth! I ended up inviting a friend and a photographer (but only because she was a close friend), and it was absolute perfection. It was remarkable how such a profound experience can also be so ordinary and without fuss.”

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“My fifth baby was a family birth because my experiences and research all indicate that the safest environment for the birth of a human was not a medical facility, as long as the birth showed no signs of turning into a medical event. Because birth is much more a hormonal event than a physical one, and because the best way to optimize the hormonal response is to protect the mother’s space, her privacy, her feelings of safety and security. Because with increasingly narrow definitions of “normal,” I place more weight on the experiences and wisdom of midwives who have witnessed birth for more than four decades and in my own intuition. Because I have the most invested in a healthy outcome. Because I am the highest authority in the births of my babies.

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I felt terrible controlled by doctors and all other staff during my other 4 births, at the last birth I even became angry and sent away the doctor for “giving me half hour to do it myself.”

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“I know my body and I want my head with the birth, not with the irritating doctors.

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I feel so free after deciding to do this after a few weeks.”

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“It makes me feel comfortable and relax to do this myself ❤️”

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My HigherSelf blessed me with knowledge and faith in my body that no one can know my needs and meet them better than I.  I’ve had one pregnancy, one child and one UP (unassisted pregnancy)\UC (unassisted birth).”

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“This is my first pregnancy and I strongly believe that having a baby isn’t a medical emergency. It’s natural and we are made to do it without monitoring and testing and being hooked to machines. All the while laying uncomfortably on a hospital bed surrounded by strangers coming in and asking a million questions that just make you wonder and stress. I don’t monitor or stress over my bowel movements so why would I over giving birth when it’s just as natural. I want a stress free environment to be comfortable in whatever position feels right and at what moment she wants to come out not when some Dr thinks it’s time. Plus I really don’t need someone telling me when to push when my body will tell me how and when to do that. As long as I trust my body and baby I believe everything will be just fine. Plus I don’t trust the medical industry anyway.”

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“Privacy. And I believe in the creation of birth, that it was not created to be managed.”

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“I don’t want to be told what to do. I make my own decisions.”

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“I will not nut myself in a position to be medically violated, harassed, or threatened.”

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“I want a safer experience for baby and myself.”

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“I prefer solitude.”

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“I have an eating disorder and was sick of doctors and midwives telling me I wasn’t eating enough for my baby. Born healthy and strong unassisted weighing 9 lbs. Also, I don’t labor well with people around.”

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“I had two c sections. The first I was uneducated. The second I wasn’t educated like I thought I was. I became pregnant with my 3rd. I realized that they would force me into it again. They had lied repeatedly to me. I didn’t feel safe. I knew they were a joke! They told me I was broken. I knew I was NOT broken. I did a lot more research. I joined this group which helped me more than anything to get the confidence and knowledge to go unassisted. I knew I was safe at home. I had my beautiful daughter 1 year ago in my home. It was magical,It was amazing! I was not broken:) it was the best experience in my life! If I have another unassisted will be the only way I will birth my baby:)”

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“I had a traumatic hospital birth with my first and a powerless assisted homebirth with my second. Labor causes most women to follow suggestions without thinking due to the hormone cocktail. I’m a trained doula and I had support, but it still happened to me. They exposed us to many interventions and increased our risks as a result. I don’t view it as a natural birth and I did not direct it. When we got pregnant again, I asked a page full of questions trying to find a midwife who would leave us completely alone unless there was a rare emergency. Then I learned that I could spot the emergencies and finally have an unhindered birth. My husband and I are so excited to have it all to ourselves.”

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“Because birth rape and birth violence isn’t something I wish to repeat.”

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“As I learned more about the realities of hospital policy and how harmful “standard procedures” can be, and not wishing to repeat either medicated birth or traumatic unmedicated birth, home birth with a midwife became the logical desired option. Then seeing how little she actually helped and the things I wished she/they hadn’t done (the gloves in all my pics bug me so bad!!!!!) Unassisted became the next desirable step. I did find a midwife I absolutely love but she has a 3.5 he drive so being prepared for unassisted was still necessary and I’m so glad I was prepared because my last labor was 2.5 hrs flat!”

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“I’m planning a freebirth because I trust my body, my baby and the physiology of birth more than I trust external sources.”

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“My 1 year old was a planned free birth. Home (apartment) water birth. I had a previous pleasurable birth (5hr labor, intense but enjoyable) at a home birth centre (where they insisted I wasn’t in enough pain to be actually IN labor) and I felt confident that my second would be faster than the first, especially if I was allowed to stay focused and enjoy myself. (I was right.) After considering my options for birth in San Diego I decided that I should prepare for a quick home birth. I had a midwifery group that would have been supportive for me if I needed a hospital, but I didn’t. It was just me, daddy, and big bro (almost 2 at the time). It was wonderful. Bro excitedly helped prepare the tub. I got some peaceful time alone (while they sought a sandwich I requested), and I felt surrounded by love. Supported. Determined. Destined. Bro wanted reassurance that I was alright during pushing, but jumped in and high-fived baby right away. He seemed to understand that it was hard work and a huge celebration. We all huddled in the tub for minutes before even checking the sex. We went from tub to bed while daddy cleaned up. I was able to eat during and right away because I was starving! I only wish I had taken a video and more pictures, but besides that it was a time in my life where I felt most comfortable in my own skin and ability. It was intimidating but authentic. Today he is very determined, resilient, always eating, fast, sweet, and very silly. And big bro still kisses his little feet saying “SO cuuuute.”

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“If I ever get pregnant again, I will have a free birth. I don’t want anyone f*cking with me while I’m trying to bring a child earthside, and my experience (with my first and only birth) is that midwives, nurses, and doctors all love their cervical checks. I’ll be dead before I allow another stranger to put their hands in my vagina.”

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“I had 3 free births. The first was accidental, the midwife was late. The 2nd & 3rd were planned to be unassisted. My 1st birth i flew feom Wy to Mi because we were told we would lose our son to the state if we didnt have him in a hospital. In MI we hired a midwife who ended up missing my son’s birth. But it was perfect, he was born into his daddy and Grandma’s hands. My 2nd birth was amazing. We had zero pressure from anyone to do something that was unnatural to us. My husband caught his baby girl and they were able to bond and she wasn’t rushed off anywhere. My 3rd birth was only assisted by my at the time 3 year old son. Baby decided he wanted his own special story. We had a midwife with out 4th became midwives were finally legal and we had the most perfect one. She was hands off and totally trusted birth, woman and life.”

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“I had a freebirth after two caesareans, a stillbirth (VBA2C) and a homebirth at 44w with a midwife. I then moved states and with my history, no midwives would take me on, so I freeirthed. It is without a shadow of a doubt, THE best thing I have ever done.”

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“I made the choice to Freebirth because I trust my body & baby. Women bodies haven’t changed since the beginning of human history when all women “free birthed” ….so why should we be any different now?”

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“I am strong, capable and body was made to do this. I wouldn’t choose any differently.”

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“I planned my freebirth because I inherently knew that it was the safest way for me to bring my baby into the world.”
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“I have 1 child, and he was born at home, on the bathroom floor and was welcomed by myself and his father. It’s all we needed. It felt right and we were confident in my ability to successfully birth our child myself.  He is a happy and vibrant 2yr old now ?”

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“I’ve had three, after two hospital births. I had multiple reasons. One was the cost of birthing any other way was prohibitive. It’s ridiculous how much the medical industrial complex has managed to squeeze out of something so simple (most of the time) as birth. Which brings me to my next reason, I do not trust the medical industrial complex. I also wanted my births to be as natural as possible, and I figured my best chances at that would be as far away from Dr’s and hospitals as possible. I did live in a state where a homebirth midwife was an option, but they are also expensive, and ultimately I just wanted to be left the hell alone unless I had a genuine need for help from a birth worker of some kind, and I knew that was not how it would go if I hired any professional and invited them into my space while I labored and birthed my babies. My first freebirth, third birth overall was my absolute favorite. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. The other two were also amazing. All three of those births are like little personal gems that I keep close in my heart. They were times in y life that I felt the most powerful and in charge of myself. No one can take that away from me.”

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“My 3rd child was our first freebirth. An incredible experience!! Currently planning our 2nd freebirth …. Twins this time!”

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“I chose freebirth because I trust my body and I trust the labor and birth process.”

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“I’m not planning one because I’m not planning more babies. But if I was to get pregnant again, I would certainly consider it, simply because I’m not sure I would ever have the necessary “let go” to give birth in front of someone.”

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“I freebirthed my 4th because my midwife was 4 hours away and got a flat tire…..guess it was meant to be!”

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“After 2 hospital births I decided in 2008 to seek a homebirth with a midwife with my daughter. It was an amazing and empowering experience. My body knew what to do without anyone (even the midwife) telling me anything. So when I became pregnant with #4 I knew that I could do this all on my own. This is what I was born to do and the ancient wisdom to do so is deep within myself and every other woman!”

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“Three free births, planning my fourth. I would never go back to hospital birth. I was a statistic there. It was supposed to be a “good” birth hospital. I had done my research. As soon as I walked in, my contractions slowed from 4 minutes to 7 minutes. Big red flag there. After hours strapped to their monitors, they finally “let” me walk around for half an hour. The doctor insisted on breaking my water, because she didn’t want “my little uterus” to get tired out. I was physically forced on my back during transition, when I wanted to be upright in my husband’s arms. I was made to stop pushing TWICE so the doctor could go c-section other babies. They kept telling me what a high c-section rate they had that night—17 out of 22 BEFORE the two she did while I was pushing. When told not to clamp my daughter’s cord, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal, clamped it anyway. The hole in my daughter’s heart didn’t close in a timely manner and is considered a permanent murmur. This happens due to insufficient blood supply and low oxygen saturation– ie clamping the cord too soon. The doctor told me flat out that she didn’t WANT me to hold my baby because she wasn’t done with me yet, as she was more than elbow deep inside my vagina, scraping my uterus of my placenta rather than letting it come naturally. I couldn’t calm down until my husband moved in my line of sight, holding our daughter so that I could finally see her. I didn’t get to hold her for more than 20 minutes after her birth. I felt discombobulated, confused, detached from myself and her. My husband’s first words to me were, “I’m ready for a homebirth now.” He felt the disrespect and bullying too. In contrast, my three boys were all born into my hands, one in our living room, two in water. Each were brought immediately to my chest to snuggle with their mother, skin to skin. Each had minimal fussing, each nursed well. Each one felt more connected from the start than their poor sister. Each one started their lives surrounded just by the family who loves them and who will always be there for them. No random strangers. No snatching, poking, prodding. Just love and tenderness. Who could go back?!”

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“I will never go back to a doctor. My second (upcoming) freebirth will be because I trust birth and my body.”

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“I chose a freebirth absent of anyone but my partner. I hadn’t met anyone who I felt would honor my wishes of being hands off. I felt in my heart I was safer being able to use my intuition and make judgements based on my inner knowing than what someone would tell me: had my daughter two years ago in the bathtub with only my partner present: it was short and intense and perfect.”

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“My 17 month old was a planned freebirth after a horribly traumatic hospital birth that led to me panicking every time I thought about being that vulnerable in front of strangers again. With my firstborn I experienced a lot of horrifying things (breaking water without my consent, forceful removal of the placenta that led to hemorrhage, and my baby being taken for hours, to name a few) and there was no way I wanted to go through that again when I knew I could do it on my own. I trust my body and I trust my baby to know what to do. Any future babies I will freebirth as well.”

“After a very harrowing experience with the mainstream industrial/medical birth routine, I wanted complete autonomy and the safest possible pregnancy, labor & birth for my second baby and for myself. That meant as few interventions as possible (turns out I didn’t need any at all-imagine that!).”

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“I had a hospital birth, a home birth and then a free birth 10 months ago. Currently about 12 weeks with baby #4. We’re planning free birth #2. Honestly, handing over money to the midwife after my first home birth was like an “aha” moment for me. She did nothing that my husband and I couldn’t do on our own. 😛 My free birth was exactly what I envisioned. Had I not been planning an unassisted birth last time I would have ended up with it anyways. My water broke at 12:15 am and I was holding baby by 1:12 am.”

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“My first three were hospital births, the next six children were born at home. Two of those were with a midwife and while those were good experiences, we found ourselves not needing or wanting outside influences on our intimate time of growth as a family. After beginning studying midwifery myself, I soon learned that this was actually also a safer and gentler option as well.”

“I do! I’m pregnant with my 3rd. 1st birth was a home birth with a midwife, 2nd was a free birth and this baby will not have a midwife either. The reason for me is that I don’t trust the midwives in my area to not interfere with my body and birth. If I lived in my hometown where I know several lovely midwives who I trust and who are my friends I would have a midwife at my birth.”

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“With my first I was clueless midwifery was even covered in BC. The interventions were mild, after being told I was being shipped out if for a csection. Still, impatience and the lack of knowledge that women birth individually and don’t all conform to the ” curve” led to have 2 births assisted by ventouse. The first less dramatic than the second time, when my midwife from out of town was too tired to deal with me and transported me from motel to hospital. That was my first ‘ aha’ moment when it comes to the realization that a midwife isn’t your personal ‘ fool proof’ perfect birth ticket! My midwife somehow convinced me that maybe my body was indeed one of those ‘ lemons’ that would have died way back when!!! After that birth experience, the birth documentary ‘ Birth as we know it’ fell into my lap. I was both relieved and saddened when watching it. I finally understood more clearly the scope of this ‘ healing’ opportunity that pregnancy and birth offer. I always cherished the mind- body connection, but this brought so much clarity, especially the part of working through our emotions and energetic blocks, especially emotional-intimate stuff with your partner. We had experienced much difficulty together. The water birth part was intriguing as well, but more than anything, becoming aware and conscious of our wounds and doing the work to change beliefs, attitudes and releasing conditioned fear around birth, would pay off. I became pregnant with third baby after a 5 year gap! I wasn’t sure if I wanted more babies after that second birth, but something in me lingered on that birth movie, I wanted a chance to heal this idea, I couldn’t give birth. Strange, I know, but it left me open for another soul to enter our tribe. His birth also with a midwife, out of town. This time I changed many things I didn’t do last time. Like really listening to my inner voice, I failed to neglect so many times the first 2 times. He was born in a room of a farm, rather than motel. I had to trust deeply this birth place would work out and it did, last minute. Although my midwife was much better this time, there were little things that made me realize, doing this alone, might be better for me! I’m too a cutely sensitive and picked up in the slightest feeling of concern, again, I don’t follow the ‘ curve’ I was fully dilated for a couple of hours before even feeling an urge to push. I was guided to push anyways. That was more of a mental exercise that only tired my body. BUT then the birth reflex kicked in and I knew, all that pushing and trying did NOTHING. A raven cawed as his birth approached. He ended up coming out asynclitic with a nuchal arm! That was the delay. You’d need X-ray vision to understand why babies do what they do! Good intuition helps!!! When I became pregnant with my fourth, 18 months after Luca was born, even just before, this thought out of nowhere came to me, that if I were to give birth again, it would be at HOME this time and most likely unassisted because we don’t have midwives in our community, our hospital only ‘delivers’ when they have too! So from the beginning I knew, my unborn, was guiding me to make these decisions teamed with my visions, dreams and knowing. We had a beautiful pregnancy despite some extreme stress financially. I nourished my body the best I could and relied on my inner work to create that strong intent and ‘field of birth’. I could not afford chiro, physio or massage, although I did barter for one or two with a friend. Never as easy when poor but empowering to completely rely on oneself! Most birth books are full of ideas of things you can have ‘ done for you’…I might write one on things you can ‘ do for yourself!! That birth was my fastest. 4 hours from active labour compared to 8 or so…lol. It felt so good to work through it alone and be home and have my partner really feel his role of holding calm space and taking care of the birth tub and little things. He smudged me and I hit transition. First labour puke ever! Rubbed my back as baby rotated, caught him when he was born! Just as birth should be. The harmony of masculine and feminine. Yin & Yang ❤️”

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“I absolutely wouldnt want to pay someone 10k to commute to them for prenatals where I decline all tests and feel a smidge annoyed they’re offered. Then disrupt my labor getting in my head about when to phone and risk they furthet disrupt my labor by bothering me. Uc is a valud choice and in very grateful for it.”

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“I experienced my beautiful freebirth on June 1st this year. I planned it because I trusted my body to birth my baby and I didn’t feel comfortable going to the hospital where I knew there was zero hand of me having the perfect birth experience that I envisioned.”

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If you’re interested in what I have to say about birth and freebirth, check out my free ebook, all about birth choices.  I also have a coaching program for women who would like one-on-one coaching vis a vis freebirth, home birth, and birth choices in general.