A couple of days ago, we made it out on quite a long walk through the field behind our house (although not too far into the woods), despite the snowstorm which was lusty, but accompanied by relatively warm temperatures. After being outside, we hung out in our converted barn/studio. It feels like I have been trying to finish the drywall and crack-filling forever, but we’re almost there. We have been so fortunate in having this space over the winter, because our house is tiny, and it really is challenging to be outside for a significant amount of time when the cold reaches those dangerous extremes. A large portion of our homeschool routine has taken place in the studio lately, and we generally always do our dancing and singing and music practice here. I am keen to get it painted so I can start teaching Pilates classes, and at this point it is looking like the earliest class might be June…which is ok.
This coming Wednesday, the 27th, I’ll be participating in what will be the first of what will hopefully become weekly “Trust Birth” meetings in the Fredericton area (last Wednesday of every month, at the Nirvana Yoga & Wellness Centre). I am looking forward to this meeting, but once again I am concerned about how to approach a “free and open and non-judgemental discussion of the multitude of options available to birthing women in New Brunswick.” Because like the great Carla Hartley, I am sick and tired of having to pretend for the sake of political correctness and “sensitivity” that all birth choices and options are equal. And I am really sick and tired of hearing from other women who are angry at me, or threatened by me, for standing up for women and babies.
Women deserve to be told the truth about pregnancy and birth: that birth is safe–as safe as life gets–and that interference is dangerous. Women deserve to be encouraged (if need be) to take on the full authority of their birth experience. Women deserve to be told that their bodies are powerful, and that they are capable–as capable as all the other mammals in the world, who have existed for millennia. Women deserve to know that homebirth and freebirth and unassisted birth and traditional birth-attendant care are all reasonable, viable and legitimate. Women deserve to know the real cost of the most common interventions and of surgical birth: the disruption of that delicate and vital hormonal web, the pain and suffering and long recovery, the often long-term physical effects including damage to the bladder and other organs, the effects that anaesthetics and analgesics have on their babies, the postpartum depression that is all-too common among so many women.
Babies deserve to grow inside their mother’s bodies without the invasion of needles, high-frequency sound-waves, or forcible extraction except in the most dire and rare of circumstances. At birth, babies deserve spontaneous gentle emergence, free from the painful and shocking assault of a bulb syringe down their throat, or hands pulling, twisting, urging. Newborn babies deserve the warm wet intimacy of their mothers’ skin, and they deserve the full flood of blood from their intact umbilical cords. Babies deserve to be left on their mothers bodies and to never be moved or touched by another person for many days: not gloved hands, not to be laid naked and crying on a scale, not to be measured or inspected. Babies deserve their mothers’ milk.
Pregnancy and birth are not medical experiences. They are normal, physiological life passages, like losing one’s baby teeth, or sexuality. Birth occasionally becomes a medical event just as walking to the grocery store occasionally becomes a medical event. But we all must know that when birth does become medical, that delicate and unutterably complex dance of hormones and waves and energies that nature has perfected, is disrupted and thrown off kilter, with very serious, very heartbreaking results.
I don’t simply believe that birth at home is safe. I believe that birth at home is *safest*. We are animals, and like all animals, it is extremely difficult to give birth under any kind of stress or duress. The moment a woman enters the hospital, she is put in an almost impossible position of inferiority to the wishes of the staff, and to procedures and standards and technologies that are “offered” in that institution.
Not only do I know that birth at home is safe, but I believe (increasingly, if this is even possible) that hospitals are very dangerous places for pregnant mothers and babies. From the moment women step through the door of the hospital, almost every procedure and every interaction with the “professionals” (who know absolutely nothing about what normal birth looks like) goes against science, evidence, reason, sanity, nature, and the *genius* process of birth.
It is so disturbing to me, the prevalence with which women use the language of bondage and obedience to describe their relationship with their so-called caregivers. My doctor “let” me push for 3 hours. I “had” to be induced. I was told I “needed” another ultrasound. I hear stories of women whose choice to decline pelvic exams during the hospital birth process was met with the threat of legal action. I hear frequently of women whose babies are separated from them at birth, still, now, in 2013.
With horrifying frequency, I see my sisters being lied to, discouraged, coerced and assaulted in labour delivery rooms, day after day after day, year after year, generation after generation.
I have been asked with great frequency, throughout each of my pregnancies, Aren’t you scared of giving birth at home? What if something goes wrong?
But my question for other pregnant women is, What is it about the hospital that makes you feel safe? Because the number of women and babies who embark on new life and new motherhood maimed, traumatized, cut, and depressed, is at epidemic proportions. And yet, this trauma is so ingrained and normalized in our culture that it’s unrecognizable to most as the real travesty of human rights that I am so passionately sure that it is.
There is just no need for this. I hope that in my lifetime, I will see the issue of the abuse of women and babies during the birth process come to the fore as one of the primary feminist issues of our time. Because when the people I love get hurt, it not only breaks my heart, but it makes me really angry, and primed for change. I am really ready for change.
Hey Yolande,
I’ve actually been following your blog for some time now, and for a while, I’ve been wanting to share my traumatizing story.
When my daughter was born last May, what I thought would be a beautiful experience turned into a nightmare. My membranes fully broke naturally, so I went to the hospital, thinking labour would start. I was sent back home to progress, and come the following morning, my daughter had stopped moving in the womb. Worried, I went back to the hospital to discover that after waiting nearly fourteen hours, I was only dilated one centimeter with a posterior cervix.
I wasn’t having contractions, my daughter was not moving, and there was next to no amniotic fluid left, so I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Without even being asked, the doctors ushered me into a room and started the induction. Labour progressed very quickly from there, and my daughter was born with a nuchal cord so tightly wrapped that she failed her initial Apgar score. She needed to be resuscitated (or so I’ve been told, I didn’t get to see her for the first few hours).
Immediately following the delivery, I hemorrhaged really badly to the point that I passed out. I had third degree tears, as well as PTSD. Every time I went to touch my daughter for the first few months, I would cry and panic. I loved her dearly, but I didn’t love the memories. I don’t know how the delivery would have been different without the induction, but I do feel that the induction is the reason that I hemorrhaged.
Now, nearly a year later, I am again due to deliver in May. I want a different experience this time, but there are so many fears. I want to actually enjoy my labour, and I was wondering if you had some suggestions. I know I will be going to the hospital again, as I am at an increased risk for hemorrhaging again, and I know that I will refuse an induction. What else can be done?
Hi there Maji, it’s really great to hear from you. First of all, congratulations! Secondly, I’m so sorry you had the experience you did with your first baby. Third, I am going to just preface everything I say further by clarifying that I am *not a medical doctor, and please don’t take anything I write here as any kind of diagnosis, or official recommendation! Everything I am about to say is my opinion only!* Ok, now that that is out of the way, I’ll tell you what I really think from afar:
Every single thing you have written here indicates to me that your body is absolutely brilliant, and it really sounds to me that if not for the inept interference of medical personnel, you probably would have had a perfect spontaneous birth. It is absolutely normal, and ok, for the birth process not to begin sometimes for a couple of days after your membranes have ruptured. It is, of course, important to observe some protocol when this happens (absolute sanitation, no fingers, penises, anything in your yoni, no baths, just showers etc., lots of meditation, no stress), but it is normal, and it is fine. When I was pregnant with my first baby, my waters released and I didn’t enter the birth process in earnest really until about 10 hours later (but actually, the entire 10 months of pregnancy are really “part” of the birth process, aren’t they?!). This is normal. So, your first “mistake” (not *your* mistake, but a mis-step, if you know what I mean!) was, in my view, to head to the hospital right away. Not only is it discouraging to be told that you are “only 1 cm dilated”, but the very act of getting into the car, and travelling to the hospital and going into labour & delivery, and the intake process…all of this will actually *interrupt* your body’s process of becoming ready to welcome your baby. Because any woman, if she is stressed, will experience a “stall” in her birthing! And what you are describing here is very very normal. Leaving the house is the first intervention!
I also want to address what you say about your daughter not moving in the womb. This is very very normal, especially during the last few days of pregnancy. In all my pregnancies, I have felt the grip of fear for a moment, during those last *insane* days, when you are so desperate for your baby to come out. But really, it is so snug and warm and cozy in there, that baby doesn’t have a lot of room to move around, so it is completely normal for movements to decrease. Also, it is actually the *baby* who really decides, through a complex series of hormonal releases, that it is *time* to be born. So I really think that those brilliant babies in there are just saving their energy for the work ahead of them, because contrary to the mainstream medical view of birth as something that we DO to GET the baby out, those babies have enormous agency during the process–they are propelling themselves–swimming, if you will–out of the womb! So a good midwife or birth attendant would have been with you right after your waters released, talked with you about your fears, and then used the totally benign foetoscope to listen to your baby’s heartbeat, to reassure you that she was just resting for the journey ahead. Your imaginary midwife then would have palpated your belly/baby, to feel for your baby’s position, and to assess your fluid levels–which is the MOST ACCURATE way of assessing amniotic fluid!
But instead, it sounds like you were taken in to have an ultrasound done, and then you were told that your baby had little to no amniotic fluid. I am just guessing that no palpation was done. And unfortunately, ultrasound, as a method of assessing fluid, is very ineffective. Furthermore, even IF it seems very evident that there is low amniotic fluid, this is no reason to rush into induction. (Please read GLoria’s article on the “Low Amniotic fluid Scam” Here http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=306). It is *insane* to me, Maji, that they would have “ushered you into an induction”, but it is so common as to be standard. Unfortunately, telling women they have “low amniotic fluid” is another way that doctors coerce mothers into submitting to induction unnecessarily.
Considering that your daughter was born vaginally, I would, if I were you, deeply question the idea that her low apgar scores were a result of her nuchal cord. Again, the cord around the neck is generally *not* a complication, but a normal variable. Induction, on the other hand, *does* tend to lead to poor start-up, and as induction often goes hand in hand with epidural and pain meds, this is very likely more to do with your daughter’s poor apgar. The fact that she *did* come out vaginally, indicates to me that the cord may not have been nearly the issue, but rather all the peripheral outfall of the induction.
You were *TOLD* she needed resuscitation? Wow. This is another example of the utter *insanity* of the system. There is really no reason at all, why any emergency resuscitation should not be done with baby *ON THE MOTHER”S BODY*, and many many reasons for why it should not be done anywhere else. I am just so heartbroken to hear that your daughter was taken from you, and it is absolutely reasonable for you to feel angry angry angry about this. It is inhumane, and another example of the many violations of mothers’ and babies’ rights that happens at the hospital.
The haemorrhaging, the tearing. I highly doubt that either of these would have been an issue in any way, if not for the complete mismanagement of your birth by the professionals, and in particular, induction, which tends to lead to both of these eventualities.
In fact, I am absolutely convinced that in the case of normal, uninterrupted, physiological birth, haemorrhage is *highly* unusual. Haemorrhage is the result of trauma, *not* the normal birth process. I would, if I were you, highly question or reject the idea that you have any real out-of-the-ordinary risk factors for haemorrhage.
I highly encourage you, Maji, to seek out other women in your community who have given birth at home, and to try to connect with any midwives or birth attendants in your area. I personally would only feel comfortable with a caregiver who is *only* beholden to me, rather than to an outside governing body, and the best way to find the best caregiver, I think, is to talk with other women and get lots of opinions.
But ultimately, i would read everything I could possibly find on normal, natural birth, including Sarah Buckley’s book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, Robbie Davis-FLoyd’s book “Birth as an American Rite of Passage”, and also Laura Shanley’s book “Unassisted Childbirth (even if you have no plans whatsoever to birth unassisted–it still has some really important information about the birth process!). Also please go to Gloria Lemay’s blog at http://www.gorialemay.com, and on facebook, “like” the page “doppler danger” for some of Carla Hartley’s excellent thoughts on babies & soundwaves.
I absolutely commend you, Maji, for having the courage to get sad, and angry about what happened to you in the hospital. It is wrong, and everything you have been feeling about the experience is totally valid. I truly believe that only a tiny fraction of women require medical assistance during the birth process, and I truly believe that the majority of complications are caused by the allopathic approach to childbirth. But hearing your story, and the fact that *despite* everything the doctors did you you and to her, your daughter emerged and is healthy…well, I would take that as further evidence that you are absolutely capable of giving birth without anyone telling you what to do. It will take lots of work during this pregnancy, both intellectual work, gathering facts about the physiology of birth, but also working through all of the emotional issues: the very real PTSD, and the very normal fear that you might have about your upcoming birth. For the latter, I recommend daily yoga, meditation, visualizing your perfect birth, and affirmations that your body is whole, strong, and that you will be birthing powerfully and beautifully. You can do it! xo
I love your passion for change, your whole hearted love for women and babies, and your fierce courage to speak your truth. I am not a mother, yet, but when that day comes I wish I could be surrounded by women elders, in the red tent, loved and trusted….But that’s not an option. In our society we’ve given up our power – we live in a passive fear based world where hospital is where the “experts” are and we be crazy to think of birthing our babies anywhere else.
My question to you is how do you cultivate the strength, knowledge, trust, and the will to birth your first born at home?! … how do you keep fear out of an experience that you’ve haven’t experienced?! …I guess, like I mentioned, how do you cultivate what you need to stand up for you, your baby, your husband, your experience?!
Melissa
Hi Melissa, thank you so much or your message. This is a question I have been getting a lot, from friends and strangers! The funny thing is, I really see myself as pretty much in the same boat as everyone else! There are so many instances in my life in which I have felt powerless…Including my first birth experience in the hospital which was a miscarriage, (and horrific). One of the main reasons why I don’t go to the hospital, is because I don’t think I would, in that kind of environment, be able to stand up for my baby, my choices, my experience. The nice thing about being at home while giving birth, is that I don’t *have* to stand up for anything! I’m just in charge, and that’s that. In fact, for me, birth is NOT the kind of instance in which anyone wants to, or is able to, have a fight or conflict with someone. And I think many women enter the hospital not realizing that they actually have no authority during the birth process. If the doctor wants something to happen, that’s the way it happens. I don’t believe that informed consent is really upheld in the hospital.
To be honest, I am way too scared to give birth in the hospital, because I have seen so many women and babies hurt in that place. And I have known so many women who have given birth at home, with complete power and bliss. No contest! But I will be posting soon on some ideas I have about men & birth and decision-making, so that might touch a little bit on what you have brought up here. Take care! yo
Dear Yo,
When you said :
The moment a woman enters the hospital, she is put in an almost impossible position of inferiority to the wishes of the staff, and to procedures and standards and technologies that are “offered” in that institution.
I had a flashback of my hospital birth. I couldn’t describe it better than how you said it. I wasn’t aloud to refuse what they were ‘offering’ me.
The real answer is that I could have said no to alot of things, but when your in labor you don’t have the strength to fight with the medical team and to concentrate on your labor. Well thats how I felt.
I felt like if they took away my whole birthing experience. I was scared and pushed by the doctors. I will never go back to hospital on my own, that’s for sure.
I think the presure of the people around us and the society makes you think you cannot give birth on you own. It makes you scared.
However, I feel I have to pause and say that yes sometimes in some cases, medical attention is needed. It is a delicate subject but I just can get how this Baby industry can keep going on like this.
Anyways, Thanks Yo for sharing this. It woke up some fire inside me!
For my second baby I think I’ll swing by to give birth with you 😛
Well first I’ll swing by, so you, Horus, Treva and Felix could meet Joy and I could meet them.
xxx
Oh Mai-Li, I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you, and it is so SO so common, it’s really unbelievable. I think that the number of women who experience what you did, really indicates just how *incredibly* strong women are. We are, collectively, damaged by our birth experiences–but not irrevocably! not at all! (Speaking as someone who had a terrible birth experience as a baby, and also similar experiences in the hospital as an adult!) I definitely think that birth is amazingly healing as well, and the first thing to do is to acknowledge what happened, and then…to get angry about it! Anyway, I am dying to meet Joy, and we are going to be in Montreal in March! So let’s meet up then, and chat more about birth and everything else! much love, yo
I can’t believe you wrote that. I am so offended.
Haha, just kidding! I love your blog. It always makes me think.
A wee comment: Perhaps it is because I am a know-it-all and feel pretty sure of myself,but I have never felt intimidated by the hospital or staff. I understand how some people would though. I found the different hospital people I worked with were always pretty understanding and asked me a lot of questions about my preferences. My view of the hospital and medical system is like I am a customer; I can customize my order. They are there to serve me and help me. In the lobby at my prenatal clinic, there were always a bunch of brochures about patient rights and speaking out to receive what you want. Just my two cents 🙂
Hi Cheryl,
I am so glad to hear that you have had better experiences at the hospital than most! And I think you’re right–being a know-it-all and sure of oneself can go a long way when it comes to making the hospital experience bearable, or even good. And although I really let it rip here online when it comes to my views, I am very intimidated by the hospital modality, mentality and overall vibe.
But I also want to say that one’s own expectations of the hospital experience also comes into play: if a woman goes into the hospital with a willingness to receive many of the standard procedures that are “offered”, then she is much more likely to have a “good” experience, whereas I am pretty sure that if I showed up ready to give birth and I told them that I would not have a doppler near me, I would not submit to *any* foetal monitoring, that I would not allow *any* internal vaginal exams, that I would not be giving birth on their bed, that my baby’s cord would not be cut *at all*, etc etc etc….I would not not be treated like a valued “customer”. Or perhaps this is just the case in hospitals in NB? I hope so, but I have my doubts!
In any case, I am really glad that you have been happy with the care you have received (it sounds like!). Take good care,
Yo
You didn’t truly answer about what you would do if something went wrong. If there were an emergency. My son wouldn’t be here now, maybe I wouldn’t either, if I had attempted to have him at home. The monitoring the staff did and the exams the doctor did helped them to realize the issue and to perform an emergency c-section. That saved my son’s life. He would surely have died trying to be born, possibly killing me also. While many people are lucky and have no problems, I wasn’t one of them. There would never have been enough time to get to a hospital for care. So while I enjoyed reading your perspective and I loved watching your video, I stand by my beliefs and personal experience. I’d rather be in a place where there are experts and equipment available to save my child’s life and my life if n eed be.
Hi there Dee, sorry for taking so long to get to your comment! It sounds like you were very happy with your hospital experience, and I genuinely think that’s great. But what I have observed, experienced and learned over the years, is that human birth (like birth in the case of all mammals) is very specifically designed to be safe, thanks to the incredibly complex and delicate dance of hormones and reflexes that the mother and baby both go through during the process. I strongly believe that the vast majority of women would encounter very few complications if they are supported in a quiet, private environment without interventions like induction, internal exams, drugs, ivs, technological equipment, or pressure from strangers–because these interventions have a direct and scientifically documented impact on the hormones that protect the safety and ecstasy of birth, and which allow babies to be born easily and peacefully, just as Felix was. I profoundly believe that the kind of interventions that happen in the hospital actually cause things to go wrong, just as when wild animals are taken into a brightly lit room with many people surrounding them, hooking them up to devices, they tend not to be able to give birth very effectively, either. I suppose it would be difficult to really say whether a woman’s birth would be similarly complicated or not, if the circumstances surrounding the birth were radically different. However, what is most important for every woman, is that she is able to make a truly informed choice about where, how, and with whom she gives birth. For me, giving birth at home is by far the safest option, based on my research and experiences. I feel lucky to be able to make that choice, but I can’t attribute the ease and joy with which I give birth to luck–rather, it is simply the miracle of unhindered physiology. Thank you so much for your comment!
Hello,
I love love LOVED your videos of your beautiful son being born! They are so inspirational to me! I am pregnant with my 2nd baby, due in September. My son was born at a birthing center with midwives and this time around I’m considering a home birth. I want something personal to me and my family.Do you have any recommendations or suggestions?
My SO is on board with a home birth but my friends think I’m crazy…so does my mother. They think it’s unsafe. My mother doesn’t think my 2.5 y/o should be there during the delivery. What do you think? Thank you so much!
Hi there Vanna! Congratulations on the imminent arrival of your new babe! I really just recommend doing as much research as you possibly can to the point where you feel really comfortable with your choice. I absolutely love giving birth at home, and couldn’t imagine any other way, but it’s not necessarily for everyone–I definitely believe that giving birth at home requires a strong sense of personal responsibility, whether you have someone there as an official attendant or not. Nevermind your friends and your mother! (Mums can sometimes get weird about their kids and the perception of danger, as I’m sure you know! In fact, I *don’t* tend to recommend that women invite their mothers to births–can rattle the energy!)
As far as your 2.5 year old being at the birth? I not only think it’s fine, I think it is a *wonderful* gift for your 2 year old AND your new baby. I really believe that having older siblings at the birth really helps to alleviate potential feelings of jealousy. When Mum magically disappears and then re-appears three days later with a baby that is suddenly taking all of her time, there is a major sense of cognitive dissonance for older children–and sometimes anger and rage at being usurped! I also think that being present for a normal, beautiful family birth will leave a lasting positive impression on a sibling, and that they will take that sense of birth being beautiful and right and fine into their adult lives.
In any case, good luck!