*

I guess I felt as though we had made a connection, because near the end of our conversation, as I was getting into the van, she asked me how our kids are doing, and I said Really well, and…(and I started to laugh a little bit), I just found out I’m pregnant!

 *

The other person’s face fell, visibly.  Oh no! She exclaimed in great dismay. Oh no.  OH.  Oh no.  And then she sort of stopped, and said I mean, (and she laughed sarcastically), congratulations?  But gosh.  Oh no.

 *

Yeah, I said.  That’s kind of what I thought at first, too.  It was really unexpected–I mean, really.  But I have decided to be really happy about it.  And I am.  I’m thrilled.

 *

So, it was an accident?  asked the acquaintance.  Totally, I said.  I guess you could call it a “failure” of birth control.  I’ve actually never tried so hard not to get pregnant.  But it’s happened, and I’m really happy about it.

 *

Well, she said.  You might want to take some Drastic Measures after this one.

 *

I smiled weakly.  Yeah, maybe you’re right.  (Suicide?  Celibacy.  Surgical castration! Screw you).

 *

Then I drove away.

 *

For the rest of the day, I felt ill, and upset.  I have only told a handful of people about our news, and this one woman’s reaction is pretty much precisely why.  She wasn’t trying to be offensive, and I recognize that the attitude she was displaying is the product of buying into a worldview in which children are burdensome and difficult and pregnancy is an onerous oppression.  (And I certainly don’t harbour any ill-will or resentment towards her, not at all).  It wasn’t so much her unbelievable rudeness that bothered me, but rather my own cowardly collusion with her oh-so-very negative perspective on my happy news.  Instead of calmly standing up for myself and for my family, I went along with her obvious disapproval, making excuses, and making myself and my beautiful little baby the effective butt of yet another cosmic joke.

 *

I felt utterly ashamed that I had felt the need to explain that this child was unplanned, and to imply (incorrectly) that she or he is, to some degree, unwanted, simply because this is, I know, the acceptable reaction.   I am absolutely aware that most people who I encounter will heartily and sanctimoniously disapprove of the fact that I am pregnant with my sixth child, (Lee’s and my fourth baby for our family).  I am very aware that many, if not most, of our family members and friends and neighbours and acquaintances will wonder why we’re so irresponsible, breeding like rabbits–And their life is such a mess!  Their house is still an oil-spill disaster!  They’re living in a church! They’re artists, for christsakes!  What are they thinking?

 *

I am not unaware of human nature–those niggling conflicting emotions that we all have about other people from time to time.  A little bit of schadenfreude here, a little bit of jealousy over there.   I don’t have time to pay attention to those petty few who seem to have some kind of problem with the fact that I am a strong, intelligent, talented person and mother who doesn’t have a problem speaking (or writing, anyway) my truth.

 *

Because the truth is, it is absolutely none of my business what anyone else thinks about me.  After a bit of a roundabout journey, I love myself.  I love my husband, and I adore my children.

 *

We have had a horrible year, and even half of the shit that Lee and I have gone through could easily have destroyed our family, our love, our selves.

 *

And No, this baby wasn’t planned.  And yes, you miserable, ignorant, small-town busybodies, I was on “birth control”, not that my sex life or my family life is any of your business.

 *

I’m pregnant. And I feel like I am the luckiest, happiest person on earth.  All these gifts: my love, my fertility,  my (relative, ha!) youth, and the perfect thrill of being human.  Somehow the losses that we have suffered this past year make this gift of new life all the more poignant and precious.  I *love* being pregnant.  I *love* giving birth.  I *love* that I get to be an artist, and to work with my husband, and yes, it is so very hard sometimes, but with our little crew, we’re going to get a whole heck of a lot of wood split, and pots thrown, art made, and it’s going to be ok.

 *

Thank-you, to my many real friends.  The ones who I called up just days after finding out about this baby, and whose immediate reaction was “Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news!  I’m so excited for you.  Four kids in your family is going to be just amazing”.

 *

Here is a tip to all of you.  The *only* reaction that is appropriate when a woman tells you she is pregnant–with her first baby, her fourth baby or her eighth baby, no matter what her circumstances happen to be–is a warm smile, a hug, and “Congratulations”!!!!!

 *

We are all on the earth, walking for a short while, headed for death.  We all create our own meaning in life, and I am fairly convinced that there is nothing stupider, more self-abnegating or more pathetic than judgment, superiority and discrimination towards mothers for being mothers. We are the source of humanity, and I, for one, am doing a damned good job.

 *