Standing Sculpture by my husband, Lee Horus Clark

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I received a message a little while ago from a mother whose son was just diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum, and who was having issues in public school, specifically with language development.  She expressed that she had been thinking about taking her son out of school, and she asked me my opinion on homeschooling a child on the spectrum. I have had several similar messages lately, so I though I would share my repsonse.

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This is what I had to say:
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Dear L.,
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Thank you so much for your message.  I have some experience working with children on the autism spectrum, and it sounds to me like your instinct to take your son out of public school in favour of homeschooling is absolutely correct.
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Not only do I think your son would not be harmed by a homeschooling/unschooling approach, but I think you might find that he blossoms and thrives at home with you in an an environment that is free, open, warm, and familiar, but that still has a fundamental structure of order, rhythm and reliability.
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I would start by abandoning all thoughts of what your son “should” be doing at this age, and working on letting go of any anxieties you might feel–which every parent would have in your position– about his diagnosis.  Like author and parenting consultant Laurie Couture (whose excellent book “Instead of Medicating and Punishing” I highly recommend), I personally believe that many children–if not most children–who are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum may, in addition to other factors, be responding to a world in which his or her needs simply aren’t being met adequately. Unfortunately, I think that the restrictive yet chaotic and possibly traumatizing environment of public school is often counterproductive–for many kids, but especially those prone to overstimulation and overwhelm.

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It may take a sustained period of time at home before you see any major changes in his demeanour.  On the other hand, you might find that after just a couple of weeks of consistent, gentle life at home,  your son’s diagnosis will become irrelevant and possibly recognizable.  The important thing is not to pressure either him or yourself.
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When it comes to your son’s language and learning, I would proceed with absolute love and acceptance as to where he is, without any expectations.  At the same time, I would make sure to assume that he does, even if this may not seem evident, possess complete language ability and comprehension, that is just waiting to emerge.  I would make sure to communicate with him fluently and openly and to limit television and screen time as much as possible (even eliminating it if you can) in favour of living with him, and reading with him.
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Reading with our kids accomplishes several different goals effortlessly, and really has no down-sides. Just some of the benefits of reading with our children are

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* increased empathy and emotional understanding of, and connection with, the world
* seamless education on a wide variety of topics
* provides a foundation for the further acquisition of other kinds of knowledge including science and math
* connection and relationship with you  (cuddling, physical closeness, intellectual sharing)
* automatically instills a love of literature
* creates fodder for conversations later throughout the day
* effortlessly teaches language, grammar, syntax, elocution, analysis, etc.
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The screen has none, or very few, of these benefits, and most studies done on the influence of the screen on our children have compellingly shown that exposure to tv, movies and video games do NOT improve language development, but may rather impede it.   This could be the nature of the medium, and it could also simply be that when we’re passively watching tv, we’re missing out on opportunities to engage in a superior form of active learning.  In any case, I do attribute my children’s abilities to express themselves very articulately at a young age, to the fact that we don’t really have a lot of screen time at all.  I have also found, in my own experience, that when kids spend time sitting in front of the screen, they tend to be more hyper, less measured, and, to be quite frank, less interesting for me to be around than children who spend more time reading.  So my focus on books is selfish, to an extent, for sure.
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If you and your son are not in the habit of reading to gather now, simply start by creating a time every day–an hour or two–dedicated to reading together. Remember that *you* are the leader. It will be up to you–especially at the beginning–to set the stage and to make the routine highly appealing. Put on voices, dramatize the narrative, and read only books that you also love. Talk about the pictures–there is no need to stick to the script exactly (although you will find that as your son learns to read himself, he will love to correct you when you deviate!). I would wait for a good long time–years perhaps–before attempting to teach him any formal reading skills himself. I would definitely first focus on instilling a very solid, simple adoration of books and stories. He may not seem interested at first, but if you create a joyful, exciting ritual of it, and do it every day, he will soon *insist* that your reading sessions take place. Try not to read the same books over and over again, but provide lots and lots of variety, and make going to the library a weekly event (at least) so that he also feels a sense of ownership and excitement when it comes to finding new books. Many libraries offer a special card for homeschoolers which allows parents to take out a larger quantity of books, even waiving late fines.
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My own 5-year old son Horus would, I think, be quickly diagnosed with ADHD if he were in the public school system. He can be totally off the wall sometimes, and I don’t think he would excel in the school system. We have such a strong family culture of reading, that reading is one of the main ways I can calm everyone down. All three of our kids (Horus 5, Treva 3, and Felix 17 months), will sit for literally *hours* and be read to, and when I announce, amid the chaos, that it’s time to read a book, they all instantly stand to attention and come running to the sofa, ducks in a row.  Reading is the basis for our homeschooling approach.  I can’t really call it “unschooling”, because it is somewhat structured (on an ideal day!)–but my kids choose the topics that interest them, and I follow their lead as far as what kind of books we’re reading–so it’s structured in an open way!

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One of the criticisms of homeschooling that parents so often hear, is the argument for socialization. How will your kids be properly socialized, if they don’t spend the majority of their time in an institution with other children exactly their same age? Yes. Well, as I’m sure you can tell, I strongly believe that in fact children who spend their childhood in school actually may miss out on opportunities to be in the world, interacting with old people and young people, rich people and poor people. I truly believe that every experience we have at home, at the farmer’s market, working with mum and dad, provides an opportunity for a profound education that sitting in a classroom at a desk may not offer.
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I think you are absolutely making the right decision to keep your son at home, and that you will see him thrive, and open up verbally, socially, and intellectually, expressing the intelligence that he so clearly already possesses, but which may have been stymied in the public school structure.
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In all, I encourage you to take things slowly, and focus on the only thing that really matters, the basis for all happiness and success in the world: relationship and love. Everything else will follow.

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Good luck!
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Sincerely,
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Yolande