*
I can see A. fraying at the edges, just a little bit. She is swaying in the water, and resting between the cresting breaking sensation, but I can see the shock of it in her face; the wild, unexpected magnitude of it. We’re in the panic zone. But A. isn’t the panicky “type”—not like I am, during each of my own births.
*
It is at this stage that we all have an urge to pull away, to resist, to get off the train, to curl up and go to sleep, to forget about giving birth all together, no thanks, I’ll pass, that’s enough.
*
I’m getting fairly accustomed to being able to assess, in the months or weeks that I usually have to get to know a mother, whether or not she will be able to mentally and emotionally tolerate a birth well. Sometimes this is related to what I observe in her attitude. But most often, it has to do with the kind of connection she and I have—a level of trust that is, or isn’t present. Things get tricky if you don’t trust the person present with you when you’re birthing.
*
I can see A. unravel just a tiny little bit. I approach her in the pool, and very quietly, I say “You’re safe. You only have to withstand this one sensation. Move towards the intensity, and surrender to it.” Immediately, she shakes her head a little bit, and almost explicitly, consciously, smoothing away the expression of tension from her face. I can see her, in that moment of recognition, re-adjusting her expectations, re-setting her assessment of challenge, of difficulty. The calm descends again (as it always does, after every wave), and she rests fully.
*
To give birth is to become acquainted with our physical strength, but more significantly, with our mental fortitude.
*
The following is an excerpt from my e-book Guide to an Ecstatic, Autonomous, Physiological Homebirth (Free Here).
*
“Birth is (clearly) a highly physical experience. But the aspect of your self that will be most profoundly tested, is your resolve. Childbirth involves, for everyone, withstanding sometimes extreme physical response. Prior to your birth- time, begin a meditation practice or a body-mind awareness practice like yoga or pilates, that combines mindfulness, with physical exertion. Becoming accustomed to uncertainty, and the ability to re-assess what you might first want to call “pain” as discomfort, or variance, or anomaly, is a learnable skill, and will stand you in excellent stead during birth. The sensations of normal birth will not kill you. But it might feel as though they will. All of it will pass, all of it is temporary.
*
It is a truism, and a paradox, that single-minded steely determination can actually allow for, or make space for, a certain type of flexibility. The sensation will happen, and there is nothing to be done about that, but release, and surrender to it.
*
You only have to survive this moment, just this one, just this time, just now, and you will.”
*
With the next sensation, A.’s vocalizations are different, and she brings her body up slightly, out of the water, sitting on her knees now. I can tell she is now experiencing the pushing/ejection reflex, not only from the change in the sounds she is making, but also because the energy in the room has shifted. “You’re doing so well” her amazing partner says to her softly. She summons that characteristic burst of pushing energy, and says breathlessly “Who is going to catch the baby?”
*
(It can almost come as a bit of a shock for many mothers, when we reach the pushing stage, that there is actually a baby, and it’s coming out! Especially after a long stretch of inwardly-focused birthing sensations.)
*
“You are, if you like—you can just reach down when you’re ready”, I say gently.
*
“Me! Ok!” says A.
*
And this is exactly what she does.
*
A moment later, she is holding her gorgeous black-haired baby—a daughter!—and she and her husband are crying with the relief and the joy of it.
*
She looks up at me, after acquainting herself with her child, and her motherhood, right before getting out of the pool.
*
“I loved all of it.” She says. “I loved it all”.
Get the Newsletter
Bauhauswife ideas & insight, weekly.
Leave a Reply