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“I Need to go to the Hospital”. We all get to this point. The sentiment doesn’t always manifest in everyone as a specific request to be transferred, but during almost every birth, there is a point of despair, a point where we feel like we are going to break, or to die, or that there is simply no way that we can continue on.
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Often, this is accompanied by a sense that there is something “wrong”—that the baby is stuck, or that the process has stalled, or that we’re not “progressing”.
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I witnessed an absolutely incredible, and incredibly intense birth recently. This was the beautiful mother’s first baby, and I had only met the parents a couple of weeks before their baby would be arriving. But there were a number of factors that gave me great confidence, that this family was going to have a wonderful birth at home:
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- I immediately had the sense that the mother (and the dad!) liked me, got me, and felt that they could trust me.
- The mother knew herself. She talked openly about how she sometimes has a tendency to get anxious, and worried, and that she sometimes gets panicky (as we all do!). I didn’t get the sense at all, that she had any illusions about the intensity of birth, or of her own capabilities, or of her weaknesses.
- The mother was in great shape physically, and followed a mostly primal approach to diet, made up of naturally raised meats, vegetables, and fruit. In my experience, this way of eating tends to lead to very healthy pregnancies, vigorous healthy babies, and smooth birthing.
- The father was totally on-board. It was evident right away, that this father trusted the process of life, and that he was genuinely thrilled and comfortable with the idea of his baby being born at home. He was also evidently trusting of his partner and her ability to tolerate birth, both physically and emotionally.
- The mother and father were in harmony. When meeting families who are planning to birth at home, I pay very close attention to the relationship of the parents. Disconnect or disharmony is definitely not necessarily a barrier to having a great home birth, but the kind of respect, compassion, kindness, and connectedness that I witnessed in this couple is a good sign that the father or other partner will be able to offer the kind of support that the birthing mother needs, and that she will be ready to receive that support openheartedly.
- The additional support-person that the parents had chosen to be present during the birth, was totally 100% on-board with the notion of home birth, and brought an energy of calm, and love, and comfort to the space. The inclusion of anyone who isn’t completely at peace with the reality of birth, and of birth at home, can quickly derail a birth, especially when emotions run high. In this case, the presence of the father’s mother was absolutely wonderful. Her being there was a gift.
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Prior to the mother’s birthing time, the mother, father and I discussed some of what birth is like. I am continuously looking for the language with which to describe the birth process…it’s an impossibility, really—birth is inchoate sensation, primal, intense physicality. But I find that the more I can at least *try* to discuss the commonalities of the birth experience, the more women go into the birth process prepared for some of the feelings that we all tend to feel.
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When I arrived at this family’s home, everyone was in good spirits! There was lots of giggling, and fun, and the mother’s sensations were steadily becoming more intense. There is no need for anyone to do vaginal exams in order to assess dilation—with experience, the sounds, movements, and behaviours that the mother is engaging in, are enough to decipher the stage of the birth process. Panic, emotion, worry, sadness, tears, anger—these are all good signs that the mother is transitioning to the pushing phase of her birth process.
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Transition, for this particular mother, manifested as it often does, in fear. “There is something wrong. The baby isn’t moving down! Why aren’t they here yet? I cannot do it. I can’t do it. I need to go to the hospital. I need to go NOW”.
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I heard this mother, and I understood. I was at a place, as a witness to this birth, of having to both respect the mothers’ authority over her process, but to also stand in my truth, and in my commitment to honesty, and integrity, to this family. It’s a tricky one, and I’ll explore what happened next, in part 2.
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❤️
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