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Time is fast and slow and it changes everything.  It was back in November of 2016 that I met Chantal Richard-Mercier of Tall grass Photography by Chantal, on a cold and windy day in Fredericton, under the bridge, for my mini-photo-session with Xanthe (the last time Chantal had taken pictures of us, I was giving birth!).  Xan was only four months old at the time of this session, and breastfeeding had not been going well at all.  At that point, I had already received a considerable amount of donor milk, and I was also supplementing Xan with some homemade formula. I was also preparing to start a new job in marketing and communications, and mourning the breastfeeding relationship that I thought was essentially over with my youngest daughter.

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That was such a hard time, and it’s almost miraculous for me to look back, now that Xanthe is eight months old, brilliant, thriving, and nursing avidly every evening and through the night.  Somehow, we have managed to navigate tongue-tie issues, and family configuration issues, and we have figured things out.  I’m still working a considerable amount of the time outside of our home, while Xan hangs out with Lee and Cosmo during the day, and everything is good!

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These photos are both bittersweet, and hopeful for me.  I wasn’t able to really share them before, I think they represented too much pain and heartache–I really can’t emphasize how devastating our nursing troubles were.  But I’m so grateful that Xanthe and I are still connected in this way now, and that we have a spring and a summer to look forward to, while breastfeeding.  And in the past few months, these images have taken on a different energy for me.  Rather than failure and sadness, they speak to me of persistence and courage and emotion.  And especially, I appreciate how Chantal, as always, is able to capture beauty and stillness even amid emotional tumult.

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